Likeability In The Boardroom
This is a ONE THING article, which is featured in FDI’s monthly newsletter. Sign up to receive this in your inbox.
ONE THING is for the busy (speak of the devil) Future Director, in which FDI Founder Paul Smith picks just one thing Future Directors oughta know or do or stew on for the next month. We hope you get something (at least one thing) out of it.
This month’s one thing is a study by a group of Harvard and Penn psychologists called “The Liking Gap In Groups”.
Or, more specifically, it’s a major finding from the study – that we can routinely underestimate how likeable we seem to others but that this gap shrinks as we get to know one another. The full study is an interesting but dense read, so I’d recommend gleaning this primer by CNBC if - like me - you’re short on time.
A telling bit of the research is that the early interactions you have with your colleagues can disproportionately influence your long-term satisfaction, progression, and productivity.
It turns out we're wired to underestimate our own likability, which suggests we might need to actively overcompensate by telling ourselves, "Chances are, this person accepts me more than I think they do." Doing so allows us to perform better at our jobs.
I don't think this is a nice-to-think. I think this gets to the core of something.
It's a truth I often rabbit on about via FDI that psychologically, we're wired to seek safety in others. Humans, since time eternal, just want to feel safe.
When you feel safe, you feel like everything will be okay. When you feel like everything will be okay, you can be vulnerable. And when you're vulnerable, you're more able to connect, express your views, understand, and be honest with those around you... especially in the boardroom.
I didn't mean to get all self-help on you, but I'm passionate about this and what it means for the boardroom.
Sorry, not sorry!
To have truly honest and productive conversations about an organisation's strategic maneuvers, board members of all shapes and sizes need to feel safe and at ease around each other – to put something out, into the air and not feel like they're going to be judged for it.
It's trickier since Covid shifted most of us virtually. There's an inability to read subtle micro-expressions or body language when you're restricted to seeing a top half or head on a screen. It can be a psychologically unreassuring environment.
Physical boardrooms aren't always much better. You gather once a month or so for short bursts of time, and it's typically straight to business. Hard talk. Time is short.
But I want to suggest that, in the boardroom, and especially in virtual board meetings, there's always time to build rapport. This can be done with general small talk or more constructively using check-ins or breakout chats. Time to get to know one another and develop understanding and empathy can be so often lacking.
If done well, it sets the tone and makes people feel safe. So when your chair asks "How's everyone going?" at the top of next month's meeting, maybe offer up something a little more vulnerable than "Yeah, fine."
Maybe try, "Honestly, I've been a little stressed, but I'm crossing each bridge as I come to it," or "I've been feeling really positive lately." You'd be surprised at how it softens the mood and opens others up.
And if we're to believe the science, chances are people will still like you, and probably like you even more because you showed them your human side and gave them permission to be more human too.
We desperately need boards to be 'more human.'
Somewhat relatedly, the period for submissions to our FDI Awards is closing soon. What a great opportunity to show someone how much you like them. You can enter yourself, your board, or nominate a colleague or another board. The deadline is now 19th March. Enter now.